2 Abortions, 1Loss, 1Healing, and 1 Miracle Baby Later

The journey to our miracle baby, Evelyn began in March 2017. I was at bible study when I received a word from the Lord stating, "Im going to bless your womb." I remember thinking to myself, "Wait! What?! Now? But Im pretty much a newlywed God, a baby now?" I wasn't so thrilled about the word I received but I wasn't upset either. I guess you can say I was at, "Lord let your will be done." Two weeks later, I found out I was expecting. I remember telling Kris when he made it home from work and how excited he was. We were going to be parents. As for Kris, a parent again. We couldn't hold back the news. We pretty much told everybody. Our families were so happy for us. The very next day we went in for our first ultrasound. My doctor took some blood work, and BAM! I was clearly pregnant, however the ultrasound stated other wise. She shrugged it off as no big deal. Told me to come back in a week. She figured it was an early pregnancy.

Fast Forward To A Week Later ....

We went back in to the doctor, anxious and excited to hear the heartbeat. To our surprise, no heartbeat, no baby. I began to panic. One doctor, two doctors came in. Did more ultrasounds. Still no heartbeat, no baby. Our doctor simply told us we had an ectopic pregnancy and that we must terminate it immediately if I wanted to save my ovaries and not risk the chance of having a baby in the future. I wasn't trying to hear a word of it. A baby in the future? No, I wanted this baby. I still had hope. I left the doctor office without taking any medication to end the pregnancy and went to prayer. I poured out my heart to God. I ask him why. I told him how sorry and ashamed I felt. That night before bed I felt peace about taking the medication to end the pregnancy. The next morning I went back to the doctor and took the shot.

Angry, frustrated, depressed, lonely. You name it - I was that. I had so many questions. For the first time in my life I experienced a deep sorrow. I would have melt downs at work, driving, eating. My tears had a mind of their own. Somehow they would just stream down my face whenever they decided to. Kris and I grieved differently. I would wait until he was sound asleep before I crept out of bed to my prayer closet and lay out before God, begging him to take away this emptiness I felt. Yes, I questioned God. Why me? Why us? At the time my co worker was expecting her first child. I envied her. I even asked God why was she allowed to keep her baby and I couldn't. Yet, here I am faithful in serving and tithing and here is my coworker, pregnant out of wedlock and yet you blessed her womb. (Yes I was salty! lol) But that too passed. Talking about shame. There's something about not being able to conceive that brings about a great shame to a woman. Well for me, that is. And why is it that everybody has a voice in your life when they find out you've experienced a lost. Word of advice, just don't. Don't try to give advice to a woman who is struggling to conceive. Especially when you have a house full of children. Just smile, tell her you're praying for her, be a listening ear if she needs you to be, and keep it moving.

Okay back to the story ...

Little by little I got my posture back. Got back my fight. My family and friends were very supportive, especially my Spiritual Mother. She would call me daily and pray with me. She would speak life over my situation. As much as I didn't want to be bothered at times, I'm glad I pushed pass my flesh and answered her calls. Prayer was a big factor in my life during that rough patch. It was literally my life line. I went to the alter and asked my Pastor to pray for me. Kris and I began to pray and ask God to heal and bless my womb. We earnestly prayed for a son. I recall three months after our lost, God gave me a dream and gave me the name of our son He would bless me with. Until this day, Im holding God to his promise. A son is my hearts desire. There were times I wanted to take matters into my own hands and reach out to my doctor and ask for help with conceiving. (For the record I'm not against getting assistance from doctors when trying to conceive. However that just wasn't the route we decided to take.) There were times I wanted to take my doctor up on her offer and take medicine. There were times I thought about giving up and just accept that I'll never have children. There were sooooo many times I just wanted God to take the whole motherhood desire out of my heart. But see that would've been the easy route - to give up. My faith wouldn't let me be sorry. Even on my low days I would stir myself up in the Lord and reminisce on his faithfulness. One of the greatest motivating forces in my life was knowing how badly my husband wanted a child with his wife. I held on to God promise. I stayed in His presence. I remained faithful.

Exactly one year later, I was at work and I had the symptoms of the flu or stomach bug. I wasn't feeling my best. I recall changing a dirty diaper and beginning to gag. That was such a surprise! Ive never gagged off of a dirty diaper. So on my lunch break I took a pregnant test and to my surprise it was positive. I was so excited. I couldn't wait to get home and tell Kris. Excited would be an understatement. We were beyond grateful. We were FINALLY going to be parents! We told our families the best news ever. In the mist of changing doctors, we ran ahead of God and told the world we were having a boy, instead it was a girl lol. I had the best of times shopping for her nursery, cute little dresses, and bows. We had a beautiful shower and took some amazing maternity pictures. I had a healthy delivery. November 20, 2018 at 3:18am we welcomed our daughter, Evelyn Grace Walker into the world. Our lives are forever changed and we're forever indebted to God for such a precious jewel. She's everything we could have ever dreamt of and more.

I want to encourage every woman thats struggling with fertility to NEVER give up HOPE. The God we serve is BIGGER than infertility. He's BIGGER. There's absolutely nothing too hard for my Heavenly Father. You might say, Pam my body is battling this and the doctor say that, but I say, stand on The Word sis, and lean not on your own understanding. Yes! it gets tiresome. Yes! you may become doubtful in the mist of and impatient. Yes! people will get on your last nerves with their opinions about what you need to do with your body. Yes! you will want to throw in the towel and give up but DONT! Instead, pray without ceasing, fast, encourage yourself in the word, read the story of Hannah. Read other testimonies of women that overcame infertility. I'm standing in agreement with you sis, that God will come into your heart and heal. If there is any bitterness that has crept into your heart, God will up root it. He will heal your mind, your body, and bless your womb. And It Is So!

Jesus Is Just That Good,

Pamelia Walker